You won’t like me when I am angry.

Flippant, but true, no one enjoys dealing with an angry person.    There are times we all feel a bit like the incredible hulk.   As a perimenopause woman, I have dealt with the uncomfortable feeling of my hormones shifting me into ‘rage’.   

I have worked in offices, where I see daily the cumulative stress and strain dealing with angry customers has on my customer service colleagues. 

I resigned from a job because the boss regularly shouted at employees every day.  I knew it was time to find a healthier work environment when one of my junior colleagues just walked out and did not come back.

Anger can be complicated and disruptive and toxic.  When you are in the middle of an angry outburst it can feel like the you are trying to solve the problem, if only people would listen. Anger rarely leaves you rational enough to do anything but cause more damage.

Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy

Anger is a normal basic human emotion

Everyone feels angry at some point.  Anger is what will drive us to fight and defend ourselves.   In the right situation, anger will drive you to defend your rights or protect your family.  Functional in situations where we are in actual danger, but potentially problematic in most everyday situations.

Are we all getting angrier?

According to a survey by the Mental Health Foundation ‘societal changes are contributing to a rise in emotional problems’ . Almost a third of people polled (32%) said they have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger.   In the same survey, 64% of people survey said people are getting angrier.  The idea of ‘rage’ attached to common, everyday annoyances is commonly offered up in media for often comedic value.   Stories of. Shopping rage, trolley rage, call-center rage, and even ‘pavement rage’ regularly turn up in viral videos on social media.    

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Learn to recognise your triggers

It is never comfortable to analyse your own behaviors and not always easy to remove yourself from the situations that trigger your anger.    Trying to win an argument or sticking it out in an unhealthy situation can feel like the right thing to do.   You don’t want to appear weak or too sensitive.   One of the best anger management exercises is to remove yourself from the situation if you can.  Let everyone calm down and then try and deal with the true problem calmly and with empathy.   Recognising that other people are under stress too, can help turn your own resentments and anger.

Social media can fuel your anger

Another big trigger can be our reactions to social media.   Our righteous indignation at the latest clickbait can bleed into other interactions and set us up for the next stressful trigger in the day. 

Meditation, exercise, sleep and healthy diet

Meditation, breathing exercises and physical exercise can also help you deal with stress and anger management.   Yes I know you can’t just mediate in the middle of the office, or go for a run at the drop of a hat.  Instead building all these things into your routine can make you calmer and better able to deal with stressful situations.   Getting enough quality sleep will also help manage your stress that can often trigger angry outbursts.

You can’t eradicate anger from your life, but you can temper its’ effects when it becomes damaging to you and your personal and professional relationships.